What Iran hostage crisis?

I have been ignoring this story since it broke last week. the simple reason why: this is not a story, it is an un-story. it is precisely this because of a few key points that must be understood first:

  1. Iranian theocracy is like a Hollywood actress i.e. struggling for respect, attention and personal validity
  2. the iranian state government is in the midst of a regional campaign of influence, influence over nearby states and influence over its own image as a significant actor on the world stage

so, those hostages were never in danger; iranian leaders may be crazy, but they are not stupid. harming those hostages would have done Tehran more harm than good. the real purpose of this whole charade was simple: Iran was presented a great opportunity to boost its image among its people and global anti-american partners.

what tehran has been doing is what i would like to call a Big Brother moment. a BB moment consists of strutting around like one is more important than one really is, telling native citizens that they have been protected from a non-existent threat, acting magnanimous even when one is in the wrong and then reassuring citizens that all actions have been conducted with God-like precision and they should go back to watching tv.

those sailors will be back home by next week and the british government will be trash talking Iran for years. does this really sound like a crisis to you?

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