Beauty and Ambiguity

i began this post in my head early today with a line like: i am plagued by ambiguity, or rather the stifling significance of the term lately.

One of the definitions given at Webster’s Online is:

capable of being understood in two or more possible senses or ways.

i guess that i am just having a type of nihilist moment i.e. that amidst all the ambiguity in the world what really can one believe in and if one chooses to believe in something, it essentially amount to nothing but that-belief.

madness. chaos. these words have been spoken a lot lately among my crew and i. more and more lately i have come to respect the chaos of life as the beauty of it all, after all without chaos all we would have is order. how boring would that be?

gratuitous comment: i do not remember where, but i remember hearing this joke about some one getting a call from a relative in heaven. so the living asks, so how is it up there? response: it’s nice. there’s a shortage of chairs though.

anyway, perhaps i was thinking that i was plagued because i recognize this very ambiguity in my own existence. of course, my existence is just perception and that means my experience is subjective. so how could it not be ambiguous right?

so this begs the question, how can one lead a consistent life if everything is so (all at once now) ambiguous? is that at all possible? sure, i guess i could convince myself that my life had been lived consistently, but when others look at my life, how will they see it?

there opinion of course, is of no matter. the point is that one’s existence is ultimately so subjective that there ultimately can be no real right or wrong, right? it seems that things just are as they are, if that makes sense.

but then what? what kind of selling point is that for enlightenment? come, be enlightened, learn to live the good life and be a good person. and then take the free bonus course in how to tolerate having people fuck you over!

then again, i kind of like how that sounds. i mentioned to a friend the other night an old mantra of mine: when you decide to be a good person, prepare for people to fuck you over in return. they inevitably do, but the point is not to stop being good. the point is to just accept it; sometimes being the better person sucks. or is better person to ambiguous?

one problem with being the better person…sometimes somethings need to be said to people, things that would really help them. but so many out there are not prepared to listen. sometimes the things we say can be misconstrued rather than accepted by others. sometimes the exact same sentence can do both harm and good.

think before you speak people. have a good day!

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