A sad, pathetic, complaint

Im Late…..

Fuck it I’m late, again. I recently graduated from my undergraduate studies and entered the real world, for a little while anyway. Now that I’m working all the time it seems typical that I long for college life. I knew this would be the case, after all, everyone told me so. But unlike many of the good ol’ day’s stories that I hear, for me it’s the learning and studying time that I miss. Working as much as I do is necessary for me to survive on my own and it tires me out. No longer do I concern myself with the plight of the outside world. I mean, sometimes Ill take a look but mostly I’m working on my own life. I now understand the apathy of the American public; I am one of the apathetic.

Everyday I come home too tired to read or even think, I don’t even want to watch TV. I practice this one thing I’m learning on guitar and I hang with my girl. The crazy thing is I’m the happiest man in the world at those moments. It’s not until the morning that I realize the mind numbing effect of typical American life. Yesterday I saw a lady outside the supermarket petitioning for an elected county mayor instead of an appointed one. I thought to myself “how does she know about that? I didn’t know our county mayor wasn’t appointed”. I was even a little jealous that I hadn’t done something like that lately. I thought that by now I’d be doing something more, but the energy necessary to do anything substantial is lacking after a hard day of selling my labor.

It seems to me that once you leave school you stick yourself into a slot and burry your head. I mean, most people don’t seem to like their current status in life but do everything to maintain the monotony. It’s just that the thought of risking all I have for a better life seems like a crapshoot. I’m too afraid of not paying bills so I stay with a life I’m disappointed in. No matter how bad it gets, for some reason I feel compelled to stay and work because I know what to expect from it. Fuck it, I’m not going to work today its fucken Saturday. There, there it is again, the pain shooting through my head that tells me “you’re not really serious, are you?” So what the hell do I do? I go to work.

One Response to “A sad, pathetic, complaint”

  1. Rob Says:

    Big K it has now been a couple months since I talked with you and your USF partner and a month now since I have earned my BA. I still find time to be disgruntled and at the same time ashamed that I have not changed people’s minds or made a societal impact by provking change to better our community.

    Having a new job with a child on the way leaves little time for much of anything I have come to realize, but I still have a passion to make people aware. When the smoke clears, hopefully in short time, I will be recharged and ready to pursue something positive regarding political and social progress and another degree. I understand your situation because I am there right now (except for the excitement of my daughter about to be born and my great wife).

    I hope to be in contact with you guys over the next few months to take the ho-hum out of the everyday and incite a purpose that keeps life from being less pied piper and more out side the box of ordinary and boring.

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